"TALL TALES AND HAPPY ENDINGS: HOW FRANK N. FURTER REALLY DIED."
Respectfully submitted by Bill Brennan, and dedicated to anyone
in the RH scene that has ever had a parent pass away.

Riffraff lowered the antimatter laser as he saw Frank fall from the curtains far above. The radiation that permeated Franks body, and the sickening crunch of Furters skull against the  stage floor, told him that he had done his job well. Furter would not have much time left, and soon he and his sister, Magenta, could return to the moon drenched shores of their beloved planet.

The humans, and Rocky, all had mixed reactions: Janet turned away form the horrible scene, Dr. Scott sat in his chair, aloof. Brad cried and ran to Furters side even as rocky, who was both human and yet not human, cradled his creators head in his lap.

"Oh, Brad," Frank said as he saw the human male draw closer.

"I wish...I wish it didn't have to end like this," Brad said to Frank.

Rocky's horrified face looked from Frank, to Brad, and back to Frank again. His child-like mind did not really understand the words that were being spoken, but he knew the inflection, the tone of the voices..and knew something truly BAD was happening.

"It do sent have to end this way, Brad. Tell me...tell me a better way," Frank whispered as his eyes fluttered. " Tell me...tell me a happy ending to my story."

Brad was not good at storys, but a single tear ran down his cheek and he decided to do the best job he could. He would be damned if he would fail Furter on his deathbed.

"Well," he said as he cleared his voice and wiped away his tears, " it happened like this..."

Riffraff drew his anti matter laser and fired at Frank as he climbed the curtains, and just as it looked as of Furter wad doomed, Rocky swung into action! Like King Kong in the old black and white movie, Rocky grabbed the curtain and scaled it with amazing grace and speed! With one strong arm he grabbed Frank N Furter, and using his own body as a shield, he deflected the anti matter lasers! The beams  went everywhere, up and down, and Rocky dropped from the curtain and landed safely, with Frank in his arms, on the stage in front of Brad, Janet, Columbia, and Dr. Scott! An errant beam a of pure antimatter sliced into the doorway where Riffraff and Magenta stood, debris fell in front of the door, and they were momentarily safe from the attacking aliens!

"We need to get out of here, back to the car!"  Brad exclaimed as Frank gave Rocky a kiss on the cheek.

"But..but how?!?" Janet cried, she could  already hear Riffraff blasting at the wreckage that separated them from him and certain death! And just then they all heard the roar of a motorcycle engine, the brick wall of the floorshow room to the right exploded inward, and as the dust settled a familiar voice called out,

"Anyone need a ride?"

"EDDIE !!!!" Columbia squealed with gleem and ran into Eddies frost covered arms.

"Eddie? But how...?" Brad stammered, and then they saw some of the debris smoke, burn, and saw the laser light of Riff gun begin to cut thru to them.

"No time, hop on!" cried Eddie, and they all piled up onto the bike: Eddie in front, Columbia on his lap and covering his face with kisses! Janet sat behind Eddie and wrapped her hands around his waist, Frank sat behind Janet and managed to wrap his arms around both her and Eddie with something of a smile, and Brad sat on the very back of the motorbike, and he held onto Dr .Scotts wheelchair, which they would drag behind them as the sped away!

"ROCKY!" cried Frank, calling his child to come with them. Rocky looked at Frank with a face that had mixed emotions: love, adoration, gratitude, and sadness. Rocky smiled, and gave a small grunt, and turned away from them all, facing the door.

Frank understood the gesture: his child, his lover, would cover their retreat...it was only Rocky that could withstand Riffraff's laser gun.

Just then the wreckage at the door blasted inwards, trailing bits if fire and glowing embers. Rocky gave a mighty roar of anger and challenge and beat his fists on his chest, standing between Furter and his would-be murderer.

Eddie gunned the bike forward, towards the hole he had entered from, and the last thing they all saw as they looked back was a pitched battle between Rocky, Riffraff, and Magenta: Rocky had Riffraff by the neck and was squeezing hard and thrashing the alien back and forth! Riffraff was blasting volley after volly of radioactive death  directly into Rocky's chest and stomach, Magenat was dancing around the enrage Rocky, landing blow after blow with her gloved fist and dodging rocky's other hand as he swiped at her...

Eddie, Columbia, Frank, Brad, Janet, and Dr.Scott left the castle and entered the Denton Woods, but they were now pursued by the Phantoms, who were riding hard behind them on motorcycles of their own...but Eddies bike was faster, and he was more adept at driving in the rainy conditions, and they soon outpaced the attackers.  They made it to the car, dismounted, and Brad kicked the flat, once again saying " If only I had gotten that spare tire fixed!"

They knew that if the Phantoms caught up to them, and if Riffraff and Magenta survived the battle with Rocky, they would be doomed! But how to fix the car in time?!?

Just then Rocky crashed from the trees of the woods, grabbed Brads station wagon with two hands, and LIFTED the car high into the air! Eddie sprang forward and used the spanner from around his neck, removed the lug nuts and slapped a tire from his bike onto Brads car!

"Get in!" Eddie called, and Brad and Janet and Frank piled into the car! It was just then that a small army of Phantoms, led by Riffraff and Magenta, came around the curve!

"GO! WE'LL STALL THEM!" 

Eddie, Columbia, Rocky, and Dr. Scott formed a skirmish line, met the on coming assailants, and the battle to Kill, or save, Frank started again!

"Where to?!?" asked Brad as he hit the gas.

"THE CHURCH!" Frank implored, and with a spray of mud they were off!

Brad paused  the story for a moment, both to clear his years and to make sure Frank was still with them..his breathing had become shallow, and his eyes fluttered.

Furter coughed in Brads arms and Magenta sneered,

"How sentimental."

"What...what happened next, Brad?" Frank asked with a weak smile.

"What happened next was amazing, Frank. We got to the Denton church, and everybody was there..and I do mean EVERYBODY. And they were all so happy to see you, there wasn't a sad face anywhere...

Brads car sped to the Denton church, and Brad, Janet, and Frank were dumbfounded to see that there was a huge crowd waiting for them, it looked like almost everyone in Denton was there! They got out of the car and Betty Monroe Hapshatt smiled and called out to the crowd,
"Okay yew guys, this is it!"

Music started from somewhere, and the crowd all gave Furter a standing ovation, and they all lined up to pay respects and say a last goodbye.

As Brad said, everybody was there...EVERY BODY!

Frank walked up to Riffraff and Magenta, as they were first in line. They were dressed in handyman and domestic garb, Riff gave Furter a respectful nod, and Magenta a curtsy. Next were Riffraff and Magenta in the space uniforms, and they showed no sign of danger. In fact, when Frank walked up to them, they both stood up , ram-rod straight, and gave Frank a snappy salute of respect. Next were Eddie and Columbia, holding hands and smiling, and they both gave Frank a hug and a kiss goodbye. Brad and Janet were next, and did the same. Dr. Scott shook Furters and and wished him well. Next was Ralph Hapscatt and his wife, Betty. Ralph shook Franks hand vigorously and said,

"hey, big fella, looks like your turn  might be next, eh?"

An older woman shook his hand and said,

"pleasure to have met you, Dr. Furter."

Another older woman held out an autograph book, yet another cried with a smile and said,

"I always cry at happy endings,"

And so it went: Denton townsfolk and Phantom, human and alien, they gave hugs and kisses and smiles and tears and at the end of the line of people was, of course, the castle.

And Rocky stood at the open door, waiting. When Frank took his hands, rocky grunted a happy " A-huh a-huh a-huh," and smiled. Frank kissed him, turned, and saw one last figure, someone he did not know but still recognized as someone familier: it was an older man, standing in the cemetery part of the church. He had a gray jacket on, and smoked a cigarette in a long black cigarette holder and held a large book with the words " THE DENTON  AFFAIRE" stamped on the cover.

This stranger gave Frank a serious nod of the head, which Frank returned. The gesture seemed " right" somehow.

"Hey, Frank, where will you go now?!" Brad called out from the crowd. Frank smiled and said, and then sang,

"Im going home...IM.....GOING....HOOOOOOOMMEEE!"

Frank and Rocky entered the castle, smoke sprawled from the bottom of the ship and the rainbow hue of the transit beam lit up the skies, and the crowd cheered and cheered as Frank and Rocky flew off into the bright sky...

Furter coughed, weakly, and whispered something, and Brad had to lean over to hear,

Frank smiled, gave Brad and loving look and whispered his last words,

"Brad..that's...that's exactly how it happened."

THE END

Bill Brennan. April, 2010