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"TALL TALES AND HAPPY ENDINGS: HOW
FRANK N. FURTER REALLY DIED" by Bill Brennan
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The following is based on the film THE BIG FISH. If you have seen THE BIG FISH, you will understand the story PERFECTLY. If not, here is a quick bit of background, which will make the following a lot more fun- and sad- to read.
THE BIG FISH is about a man who loves to tell tall tales, the bigger the "lie" the better, but always done in an amusing, good hearted way. At the end of the film, the main character is an old man, on his deathbed, and taking his last breaths of life. His son is there at his bedside in the hospital, comforting his father. The son has never approved of " tall tales", and is very straight laced, very much like Brad Majors...and as his father is dying before him, he has one last request: that his son make up a tall tale, a happier ending to his fathers life other than the one he is experiencing, which his son does, and his father dies happy.
I've always been unsatisfied with how Frank N Furter dies, and thought it would be nice, and a comfort to him, if Brad could tell him a better ending...and he does. Please use a little imagination, a little whimsey, and a little love when reading this...I think Frank would have wanted it that way.
I hope you all enjoy the way Frank is sent off in this story with Brads TALL TALES AND happy ending. :)
"TALL TALES AND HAPPY ENDINGS: HOW FRANK N. FURTER REALLY DIED."
Riffraff lowered the antimatter laser as he saw Frank fall from the curtains far above. The radiation that permeated Franks body, and the sickening crunch of Furters skull against the stage floor, told him that he had done his job well. Furter would not have much time left, and soon he and his sister, Magenta, could return to the moon drenched shores of their beloved planet.
The humans, and Rocky, all had mixed reactions: Janet turned away form the horrible scene, Dr. Scott sat in his chair, aloof. Brad cried and ran to Furters side even as rocky, who was both human and yet not human, cradled his creators head in his lap.
Riffraff drew his anti matter laser and fired at Frank as he climbed the curtains, and just as it looked as of Furter wad doomed, Rocky swung into action! Like King Kong in the old black and white movie, Rocky grabbed the curtain and scaled it with amazing grace and speed! With one strong arm he grabbed Frank N Furter, and using his own body as a shield, he deflected the anti matter lasers! The beams went everywhere, up and down, and Rocky dropped from the curtain and landed safely, with Frank in his arms, on the stage in front of Brad, Janet, Columbia, and Dr. Scott! An errant beam a of pure antimatter sliced into the doorway where Riffraff and Magenta stood, debris fell in front of the door, and they were momentarily safe from the attacking aliens!
"We need to get out of here, back to the car!" Brad exclaimed as Frank gave Rocky a kiss on the cheek.
Eddie gunned the bike forward, towards the hole he had entered from, and the last thing they all saw as they looked back was a pitched battle between Rocky, Riffraff, and Magenta: Rocky had Riffraff by the neck and was squeezing hard and thrashing the alien back and forth! Riffraff was blasting volley after volly of radioactive death directly into Rocky's chest and stomach, Magenat was dancing around the enrage Rocky, landing blow after blow with her gloved fist and dodging rocky's other hand as he swiped at her...
Eddie, Columbia, Frank, Brad, Janet, and Dr.Scott left the castle and entered the Denton Woods, but they were now pursued by the Phantoms, who were riding hard behind them on motorcycles of their own...but Eddies bike was faster, and he was more adept at driving in the rainy conditions, and they soon outpaced the attackers. They made it to the car, dismounted, and Brad kicked the flat, once again saying " If only I had gotten that spare tire fixed!"
Just then Rocky crashed from the trees of the woods, grabbed Brads station wagon with two hands, and LIFTED the car high into the air! Eddie sprang forward and used the spanner from around his neck, removed the lug nuts and slapped a tire from his bike onto Brads car!
Brad paused the story for a moment, both to clear his years and to make sure Frank was still with them..his breathing had become shallow, and his eyes fluttered.
Furter coughed in Brads arms and Magenta sneered,
"What...what happened next, Brad?" Frank asked with a weak smile.
"What happened next was amazing, Frank. We got to the Denton church, and everybody was there..and I do mean EVERYBODY. And they were all so happy to see you, there wasn't a sad face anywhere...
Brads car sped to the Denton church, and Brad, Janet, and Frank were dumbfounded to see that there was a huge crowd waiting for them, it looked like almost everyone in Denton was there! They got out of the car and Betty Monroe Hapshatt smiled and called out to the crowd,
As Brad said, everybody was there...EVERY BODY!
Frank walked up to Riffraff and Magenta, as they were first in line. They were dressed in handyman and domestic garb, Riff gave Furter a respectful nod, and Magenta a curtsy. Next were Riffraff and Magenta in the space uniforms, and they showed no sign of danger. In fact, when Frank walked up to them, they both stood up , ram-rod straight, and gave Frank a snappy salute of respect.
Next were Eddie and Columbia, holding hands and smiling, and they both gave Frank a hug and a kiss goodbye. Brad and Janet were next, and did the same. Dr. Scott shook Furters and and wished him well. Next was Ralph Hapscatt and his wife, Betty. Ralph shook Franks hand vigorously and said,
And Rocky stood at the open door, waiting. When Frank took his hands, rocky grunted a happy " A-huh a-huh a-huh," and smiled. Frank kissed him, turned, and saw one last figure, someone he did not know but still recognized as someone familier: it was an older man, standing in the cemetery part of the church. He had a gray jacket on, and smoked a cigarette in a long black cigarette holder and held a large book with the words " THE DENTON AFFAIRE" stamped on the cover.
This stranger gave Frank a serious nod of the head, which Frank returned. The gesture seemed " right" somehow.
Frank and Rocky entered the castle, smoke sprawled from the bottom of the ship and the rainbow hue of the transit beam lit up the skies, and the crowd cheered and cheered as Frank and Rocky flew off into the bright sky...
Furter coughed, weakly, and whispered something, and Brad had to lean over to hear,
Frank smiled, gave Brad and loving look and whispered his last words,
Bill Brennan. April, 2010
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