I fell for a Friday night Frankie
Should've known it was doomed from the start
Should've known he'd used his stilettos
To trample all over my heart

I met him one night at the pictures
At a late night Rocky Horror Show
It wasn't like I was a virgin
In fact I would regularly go

I knew all the fans round here local
The Magentas, the Riff-Raffs and Brads
And the dirty old bloke in the back row
Who I think works with my dad

Then, 'cross the foyer I spied him
Adjusting the strap on his heel
The way he looked in suspenders
I can't say how it made me feel

He looked like a sex god in leather
All lovely strong thighs and snake hips
He had curly hair just like Curry
And scarlet red gloss on his lips

He was the most gorgeous transvestite
I ever would probably see
But I doubted he'd show an interest
In poor little time warping me

I'm not what you'd call very pretty
I'm certainly no Little Nell
I'm rather too fat for my corset
And I've got chronic acne as well

But our eyes met and he smiled at me warmly
I swear my heart skipped a beat
And when he crossed over to greet me
I practically fell at his feet

He took my hand and gallantly kissed it
And growled to me ' How do you do?'
But I was just too flustered to answer
And say ' Better for seeing you!'

He sat next to me in the old theatre
As Pat Quinn's lips filled the screen
He was sexy and camp and romantic
All in all a Frankie fans dream

I stared at him during ' Dammit, Janet,'
Forgot my torch when Fritz sang ' There's a light,'
I really thought I found my true love
On that wonderful cross-dressing night

I sheltered under his newspaper
I let him chuck my hot dogs and rice
He told me I had legs like Columbia
And the body of Janet Weiss

Oh and when we danced the Time Warp together
My body and heart filled with lust
It was all I could do not to grab him
When he showed how he could pelvic thrust

But don't get me wrong 'bout MY Frankie
Sexual urges towards me he hid
He didn't lay a finger or anything on me
Though I wouldn't have complained if he did

He just held my hand during the Floor show
And no further than that did we roam
I never knew a man quite as sensitive
He cried when Tim sang ' Going Home,'

I even wondered, at one point, did he like me?
And silently begun to prey
' Oh please lord, don't let him be attached,
And even more don't let him be gay!'

But as we walked home from the movie,
I was captured by first love's naïve thrill
He wrapped me up tight in his jacket
To keep out the night's biting chill

The evening was oh so romantic
Just me and the starlight and him
And a drunk bird outside the theatre
Singing ' Splash, splash, do the swim!'

It was then , in the lamplight, he kissed me
It was perfect, how could it be less?
I don't think he even minded
That I made his lippie a mess

He gave me his email and said 'call me'
I knew to do that I wouldn't fail
Even his address sounded romantic
' GentlemanFrank, I'm your male'

I danced home that night in a daydream
And mailed him first thing next day
His to reply my message was instant
And it carried on for a week that same way

Each evening I'd go to my Inbox
And be on the net for just hours
He sent me a Rocky love sonnet
And a bouquet of virtual flowers

I thought to myself ' I have found him!
My Transylvanian prince come at last
He is my true love and I know it
And plus he has a nice arse!'

I dreamed we could run off together
To a gothic castle built for two
I dreamed of our black satin bedroom
And all the naughty things we could do

And then the following Friday
He mailed me and asked ' Can we meet?
I'll be waiting for you tomorrow, 10:30
Outside Pizza Hut in the High Street

I replied, said I would in a hurry
I laid awake all of that night
Couldn't wait to see my cross-dressing dreamboat
Once again, this time in daylight

Oh, the tricks the heart plays on the lovesick
And sometimes it is so unkind
But with the starlight, stockings and leather
To all flaws in him I was blind

So I got up next morning, dead early
To pick out the outfit I'd wear
I dressed up in black lace and leather
Spent the morning back combing my hair

I waited for him in the High Street
The shoppers did think it queer
To see me grinning like a nutter
All dressed in my best Gothic gear

Then off of the 302 Routemaster
He stepped, I just had to blink
He smiled and waved at me cheerily
It was him, well at least I think

He was a great deal shorter without heels
And slightly more broad round the beam
Make-up can make a jaw look stronger
Or at least that's the way it would seem

Mascara can make eyes less squinty
A corset, a belly look tight
Was this the beautiful Frankie
Who I snogged last Saturday night?

' Hi' he said as I nervously hugged him
Outside Pizza Hut's glass panelled door
It's funny how I hadn't noticed
He spoke with a slight lisp before

But was I judging him harshly
You can't tell a book by it's cover
Give him a chance for all I know
He might be one hell over a lover

He ushered me into the restaurant
Picked out a booth near the back
He said ' I got a coupon off Pepsi'
And rummaged within his knapsack

So there we sat eating our pizza
Tomato sauce dripped down his chin
As he talked about his rare Rocky collection
And the time he met Pat Quinn

'I'm into all Sci-fi,' he told me
'Especially the old fashioned kind,'
As he talked about Jules Vern and the Martians
I slowly went out of my mind

'I got into Rocky by surfing
Most my time is spent on the net
Turned out there was a convention
Directly after Star Trek's.'

So that's how he got into Rocky
And why he thought he would come
To the midnight showing last Friday
In a costume made by his mum

'I'm so glad I did,' he murmured
As I longingly looked to the door
'Because I'd never have met you
I hadn't kissed a real girl before!'

He said that dressed up like Frankie
Gave him the courage to say
What he wanted to me as the character
And couldn't another way

It's silly I know but I thought maybe
Inside this strange little geek
I could once again find the trannie
That made all my sinews go weak

And so out of hope and some pity
I went with him back to his flat
Where he showed me his poster collection
And the cage where he kept his pet rat

He sat me on the beer stained sofa
And snuggled up close by my side
He told me he had something to show me
With an air of what vaguely was pride

I hoped for some romance or passion
Maybe there was hope for him yet
But he reached down the side of the sofa
And pull out a video cassette

He popped it inside the recorder
And said to me ' This should be good,'
' I bought this tape off ebay
The Complete Works of Director Ed Wood!'

I left him there with his movie
He told me that he didn't mind
The fact was I just couldn't stand him
I really wasn't being unkind

I caught the bus home broken hearted
But a little more wiser that day
And sat down and wrote this poem
'Cause I felt I had something to say

If you are like me and love Frankie
And fallen for his cross-dressing charms
Remember his a fantasy figure
You'll never end up in his arms

Even, the darling Tim Curry
Now tends to look rather drab
Just an aging Hollywood actor
Now that he no longer does drag

Don't fall for a Friday night Frankie
Take heed from my rhyme and my words
You're in for a great disappointment
Unless you are looking for nerds