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"FRANK-N-FURTER'S RETURN" by Andrew Sherriff
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You may wonder dear people what happened to our intrepid couple, after the castle blasted into the air and Brad and Janet, together with Dr Scott, were left on the ground, still in their floor show finery.


"What is it now Janet?"

"It's the castle. It's breaking up."

Brad and Dr Scott looked up at the rapidly ascending castle and were amazed, then fearful as the battlements detached from a luminous silver globe. They were conscious of a deadly whistling sound, as tons of stonework hurtled ground wards. Janet screamed again as the abandoned building crashed around them covering them with yet more dust.

For a full five minutes they were rigid with shock. It was Dr Scott who first looked up.

"They, they've gone."

So our heroes were left in the grounds of the destroyed castle looking at each other. Brad and Janet stood up as Dr Scott tried to crawl towards his upturned wheelchair. Then he gave up.

"Where's your car Dr Scott?

"Over there Brad my boy,"

"Ours has a flat, good Dr Scott."

"Brad I'm scared, what shall we do?"

"Dammit Janet, it'll be alright. We'll go in Dr Scott's car, he'll take us home."

"What'll my Mom say or my Dad?"

"Don't worry Janet. We'll tell them we've had an accident."

"What in these clothes? And Brad......."

"What is it now Janet?"

"We can't go in Dr Scott's car."

"Why can't we go in his car?"

"'Cos it's crushed Brad."

As the sun rose their new predicament became clear. There they were in a muddy field, damp from the previous night's rainstorm, in Basques, high heels, stockings and suspenders. They were also covered in dust, and Dr Scott's wheelchair was damaged beyond repair. Dr Scott's car had been flattened, its wheels splayed out, by a large piece of the castle. Brad's car was nearby with its still flat tyre.


"I feel strange."

"Dammit Janet, we all feel strange."

"I feel strange too." It was Dr Scott, who suddenly burst into song.

"I have a tingling in my legs."

"I do too. I do too." (Janet).

"I have a feeling in my hips." (Dr Scott).

"I do too, I do too." (Janet).

"I have a feeling in my spine. (Dr Scott, sounding excited).

"I do too, I do too." (Janet, sounding more excited).

"I can feel some strength." (Dr Scott).

"I feel sick. I feel sick." (Janet).

"I can walk. I can walk." (Dr Scott absolutely elated).

"I'm pregnant. " (Janet – absolutely dejected).

"Dammit, Janet. It'll be alright."

And so, in a way it was alright. The newly cured Dr Scott put a wheel from his stricken car, onto Brad's thus replacing the flat. Needless to say, Janet's parents were not best pleased at the return of their dishevelled daughter in strange underwear, caked in dust and weird makeup. They looked askance at her similarly attired fiancé. They had always considered him a pretty straight kind of guy but now had their doubts.

Janet kept very quiet about her new condition. Indeed it was strange that she was so aware of it so soon after her liaison with the now deceased Frank-N-Furter. Needless to say their marriage was a quickly arranged affair, in the same church as their friends did not so long ago.

Janet was elated as she left the church with her new husband. Her beautiful wedding dress carefully concealed a slight bump in her tummy but she hoped that not too many of her family, friends and neighbours would do calculations with their calendars when the baby was born.

As she threw her bouquet high in the air she noticed the woman who caught it. She was wearing a smart dress as you would expect as a wedding guest. She seemed familiar, perhaps a distant cousin. She had bright red curly hair, and clutched the flowers in triumph. Somehow Janet felt uneasy.

The buffet was marvellous, served ably by a smart butler. He also seemed familiar somehow, with his bald pate and straggly hair. Janet shuddered a bit as he served her. They left for their honeymoon in high spirits, their departure only delayed by Brad constantly checking their car tyres. Then it was back to their new rented house and their regular routine. Janet's bump got bigger.

The birth went well and both Janet's and Brad's parents were delighted with their grandson. Although they couldn't find any of Brad's features in the baby's face, they were innocent country folk and accepted the child. However harmony between Janet and Brad was to be shattered over the naming of the child.

"I think we should call him Frank," was Janet's opening gambit.

"Dammit Janet, not on your life. It reminds me of that freaky alien who captured us."

"No," soothed Janet. "Frank, not Fran-N-Furter. Frank, after my Uncle Frank."

"I don't care Janet. Dammit Janet, any name but Frank."

The argument raged through the night. What Brad didn't realise was that all women, once they have made up their mind cannot be shifted. Exhausted he conceded defeat as he left the house for work the following morning. Janet was now all sweetness and light.

"Have a nice day at work darling. Drive carefully."

She cuddled baby Frank, puzzled at her own obstinacy in choosing his name.

Years went by and baby Frank grew up quickly. In fact he was a bit of a child prodigy, and loved his physics and chemistry which he soaked up like a sponge. He was a dab hand at biology too and Brad and Janet were proud of their son. They engaged Dr Scott as a private tutor.

Something else was strange and Janet would find her underwear in strange places.


"What is it Janet?" Brad looked up from his newspaper reluctantly.

"I think, perhaps Frank is a transvestite just like his fa............"

"Dammit Janet. It'll be alright. " Brad quickly retreated behind his newspaper, conscious of the suspenders under his trousers. Dammit. Ever since those aliens had kidnapped them he'd had these urges...........

Janet frowned and went on with her sewing.

The door opened and Frank entered their sitting room.

"Hi there son. How was the chemistry set?"

"Fine Dad, I'm ready for my great experiment."

" Why dear are you wearing that cloak?"

"Son, why are you wearing those high heels?"

"I'm sorry Brad,
I'm not you're dad.
I am my father,

There was a banging at the door, and Dr Scott burst in.

"You sly creature'
You've reborn yourself,
I've got you now."

"Beam me up, it's Scotty,
He'll drive me potty.
Meddling scientist, just too bad.
Bye for now Mom and Dad."

There was an unearthly sound of the Timewarp being played. Frank, now with his N-Furter reattached to his name, jumped to the left, stepped to the right and disappeared.

And so my friends poor Brad and Janet were once again alone with their friend Dr Scott. Rapidly, like waking from a dream, all memories of their strange adventure disappeared. They found themselves back in Janet's parent's house. Wheelchair bound Dr Scott propelled himself out of the room.

"Bye you two. Enjoy the wedding next week and come and visit me afterwards."

Janet went into a daydream. So many friends' weddings, and still Brad hadn't popped the question.

"And Brad don't forget to check the tyres of your car."

"I'll check them."

But he didn't.

Andrew Sherriff, 30th October 2009.

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